Resilience. re·sil·ience. /rəˈzilyəns/. According to The Oxford Dictionary, resilience is the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
Speaking of silver linings, I'm ending 2019 with more self-love than I planned to :) Understanding my 2019 is still difficult. To sum it all up, I never again want to be in a position where I'm holding onto something so tight that it has to be snatched away before I'm ready to let go.
Bragging about how strong seems counterintuitive. "Look at me, look how much I can take. That might have hurt you, but not meeeee [insert crying, peace sign mirror selfie]." Looking back on life so far I've realized that I'm actually... resilient. Yeah, tough stuff happens and it hurts. These days I'm working so hard to remind myself that I'm the best part of me. Not old jobs, not my ex, not the younger me, etc. Who I'm becoming is great enough for me.
The truth is when you're together with someone for so long it's never just one reason a relationship shifts, and right now it's best for us to choose ourselves. My answer is always the same when asked if I could hate my ex, "I know him too well and love him too much to hate him." One of the best quotes that I've read is about not owning people but experiencing them. I've always said that love is a journey that takes many transitions, it's just weird to actually figure out if it's true. Will we be friends? Time will tell. Business Partners? I'd love that! Family? Always. Our time together will always be...incomparable. So now, I'm taking time to love me and build a life that I can share with many people and (possibly) find another great love along the way.
Moving back home from Columbus was tough because I love that city. Aside from Athens, OH, Columbus marks another city I've lived in during an important chapter in my life. I've eaten food from various cultures, done so many artsy-fartsy things, and made great memories with family and friends in this city. Even not so great memories like getting fired ended up being a blessing ( keep an eye out for that post next year). I'm glad I took the time to figure out what I want my career to be. It turns out I really like freelance work and growing BWRY. Most importantly, I didn't settle and now I am starting a styling job that is a huge step in my purpose.
I'm saying ALLLL this to say I would have never chosen to walk away from any of this on my own. You won't ever find any of my 2019 under "Top New Year resolutions" in your Google search. You don't need a new year for a new start, just...resilience. In 2020 I'm CONTINUING growth in my career, encouraging others to find their voice, reinforcing boundaries, aaaand sharing even more of my life and style with y'all! I haven't had 20/20 vision in a while (seriously, my eyesight is terrible), so it feels good to start to see a clearer path towards the life I want. Happy New Year!
What word sums up your year? Comment below! Like and share with anyone looking forward to a fresh start in 2020!